Monday, July 19, 2010


About a week ago I decided it was annual detox time- I was hanging out with the bird on the couch mid movie clutching a hot cup of milky tea drenched with honey snacking on some of those super salty woolies chips (the ones in the blue bag, I  know you know the ones) when I made this decision- nothing ever seems hard when you are drinking tea and high on woolies fumes. You all know the way it goes.

me: (mouth full of salty heaven): Hey boyfriend I think we need to detox, the couch definately feels smaller this week
the bird (mid tv worship) hmmmm honey 
me: It will be great we will be full of energy and happy and our skin will be shiny and our hair will be shiny and everything will feel better and all we have to do is cut out wheat sugar dairy booze and anything remotely delicious for 2 weeks, it will be a blast come on we will do it together team work like when we did the argus remember
the bird (still engrossed in the worshipping) hmmm  honey your hair is lovely 
me: ll take that as a yes

Well let me tell you kids. THIS IS HELL. Riding the argus on a flipping push bike is easier than this hippie cr@p. It has been 5 days of sugarless, boozeless, dairyless, wheatless hell well atleast in hell they feed you dry bread and water do you know what I would give for bread right now? From the moment  I offered the bird his bowl of grated carrots and lemon juice for breakfast the we part turned into just me alone on the island of my detox. Atleast there are coconuts and sunshine on islands, here there is nothing wild bouts of emotional hanger (When you are so hungry you are angry) and resentment toward anyone who is happy, smiling, eating ice cream and making food that smells nice but isnt on Hitlers detox plan. Detox sucks. 

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