OH! THE HORROR

my mum recently paid a visit to the big apple -lucky girl- on arriving home in Cape Town she excitedly told me how organised she was because whilst over there she bought her dress shawl and shoes for the engaged ones wedding. The conversation when like this:

Loopy Mother: Darling you must see the shoes I bought for TEO's (The Engaged One) wedding, you will die they are too gorgeous for words.  

Loopy Mother  disappears into her closet and scrummages around- emerges clutching said shoes for inspection

DC: Mom these are Manolo's 

Loopy Mother: No honey they are called Kitten heels.

DC: I can see they are kitten heels I was refering to the brand, Manolo Blahnik, only the most pined after shoe on gods green earth

Loopy Mother: Manolo! Thats so funny that was the shop owners name, he was the one who sold me the shoes. What an interesting name don't you think?

DC: Excuse me, did you just say that Manolo Blahnik the actual flesh and blood human was your shop assistant? Is this some kind of a sick joke? 

Loopy Mother: Yes Darling and I must tell you this Manolo fellow is quite a creepy character, he kept trying to sign my shoes. I mean who does he think he is this little man trying to scribble all over a perfectly good pair of heels.

DC: Speechless and clutching my head in horror trying to figure out how it is that I am related to my Loopy Mother.

Loopy Mother: When I told him I didn't want him writing all over my shoes he asked me if I would prefer to have a picture with him instead- Can a woman not just buy shoes in peace! Naturally I said no because I hate having my photo taken and my hair was all frizzy that day. But he just wouldn't stop. He then started insisting that he give me a free signed copy of his autobiography- which I must tell you was a brick of a book- and a total nightmare to kart around when you are traveling! 

Well by this point I was so irritable with this little man, I mean I just hate being hassled when I am at the shops. I just wanted to take my shoes and be on my way- shop assistants are so pushy these days don't you think?

By this point I was actually on the floor writhing in agony.