Oh my good lord Durban is being taken over by roaches. Not the small kind that you find frozen into your ice cubes at a certain Killer prawn joint, I'm talking about the cousins of those big ass Madagascan Hissing Cockroaches that Bear Grills likes on his toast. I am literally getting goosies just writing this down. Over the last week I have had 2 of the most revolting cockroach related ordeals that I think I have ever had in my life. I virtually lived that ad where Minki has to walk down the hall with a giant flapping Crayfish strapped to her forehead (except that my crayfish was not fake, and I didn't look at all hot while the incident was playing out.)
Ordeal numero uno:
3 days ago the bird and I had a lovely dinner, well he has a lovely dinner I was munching away on diet day 1 aka, a bowl of steamed cauliflower and a piece of chicken the size of a match box - gross - we watched some tv and hit the hay. Pretty much a peaceful evening resulting in me feeling very relaxed and generally ready to ease into sleep and wake up a new person. If only I had known. . .
3am: I lurch out of bed shaking my hands wildly around my now ghost white face whilst jumping up and down and pretty much doing a macabre Hokey Pokey.
The Bird shot out of bed ready to attack the attacker he now thinks is in our house because of my demon like behavior, burst into hysterical laughter as I burst into Tears - I am now on the floor in a shaky fetal position whispering Spider, Spider between sobs.
Basically what happened is one of those cousins of those big ass Madagascan Hissing Cockroaches that Bear Grills likes on his toast snuck into our bed crawled through my hair down my FACE and scuttled down my shoulder, pretty much sending me somewhere between orbit and heart failure. So basically come morning I awoke with a searing desire to get vengeance on any creepy crawly that came my way which brings me to
Horrific Ordeal number 2:
That Night, I came home from the savaging that is Thai Bo pretty much exhausted (due to sleeping with 1 eye open) I waltzed through the door only to be met by 2 beady little eyes framed with those scratchy little feelers, my nemesis had returned. In an instant I had a flash like that guy on chuck and saw the red colour of revenge - according to reports I actually looked that scuttly little sucker in the eyes and swore vengeance as my eyes glazed over. Anyway I swooped through to the kitchen, grabbed our doom and went marching back to war and some how, I don't quite know how that little cockroach understood that he was heading straight into a shit storm and the little hissing bastard jumped at me fluttering his siff little wings all over my nose which lead to me pretty much performing act 2 of last night performance but this time on the kitchen floor. In the mean time, the bird waltzed casually over to that cocky little insect who was now mesmerized by my behavior and casually assassinated him. All in all I'm over Cockroaches in a big way, I'm planning on getting one of those fumigation tents for our new place that cheeky cockroach doesn't stand a chance.